Recently I came across a TED Talks video of Nora Mclnerny where she mentioned that we can never move on from the grief we face but we can always move along with it and carry it forward with us in the present and our future. I feel that it is a topic worth discussing, especially during these tough times when the entire world is at halt and everyone is suffering from some or other type of grief.
I have always believed that suffering is very personal. No one can understand how you feel. They can only sympathize not empathize with you and your feelings. The term “Moving On” from grief is not really helpful and is often misunderstood by people using it. Moving On means to forget what has happened and start afresh without any traces of the past; but we need to understand that what we are today is because of the past and whatever we are going to be in future will definitely have bits and pieces of the issues we are facing today which in turn will only make us stronger.
“Moving On” means to stop sharing and stop discussing what has happened. It means to stop feeling hurt, to stop grieving and to stop remembering. To stop thinking about a person who was an important part of your life a few days back and is no more with you now will not help you in accepting truth but will only amplify the frustration in you. The grief is always going to be a part of our lives and we will always remember it at different times and in different ways.
How about we start using “Move Along” with grief? Instead of avoiding it, how about we start facing it head-on? It is because some grievances are not really acknowledged at the same instance of their happening; some might take years for recognition or a few solid months to accept. There can never be a right time to grieve. While in the situation, you will always be in a state where there will be a delay, “Wait…What happened?”.
Almost all people believe that grief is some evil force that only tanks your painful feelings deeper but let me also tell you that it makes you realize about what importance that person held in your life and how deeply you cared about him or her. Obviously it drains out all the energy you have and leaves just emptiness inside you but it also makes you stronger. Strong enough to try living your normal life.
So the question arises: How to move along with this grief?
Firstly, accept that your heart is broken; accept that not everything around you is fine; accept the loss you are facing. Until and unless you don’t accept the reality nobody can pull you out of the dark hole.
Secondly, grieve. You need to be sad, you need to cry, you need to lessen the burden on you heart so as to have a clear thought process. Recognize the grief and try to make space and touch those feelings you had before this all happened. You are only trying to run away from these feelings which makes things harder. You need to feel the complete loss or you are going to be capsuled forever.
Thirdly, move along with the grief. If you are still stuck at the second point you might befriend the grief. You need to make sure that it only lingers around you to a limit that makes its presence familiar and not overwhelming. This might safeguard you from some unpredictable outbursts of emotions.
Grieving is never a linear path, instead it’s a scientifically proven curve. Read more about it here.